Toby Keith - Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue (The Angry American)

September 11, 2001

     Today is truly a day that will live in our memories with the American people today.  The silly concerns that I woke up with this morning seem to be now very humbling as I remembered today is September 11.  We were brought together by a President that within his first year of his presidency this country was at War.
     The path I have watched this country walk down I can look out and say that we are not better.  We as a people are broken.  We are a country without spiritual leadership.  It doesn't matter what the path of your spiritual walk is we are a nation of faith.  We are a nation of all faiths.  We are a nation of people that began with the greatest of causes.  We are a free nation.  We have let evil take hold again.  The evil isn't hard to recognize.  Its the political correctness bringing everyone to a mindset of offensiveness.  Its the organization of Planned Parenthood that ruthlessly kills more babies.  Its Isis who is killing Christians because of their faith and other Muslims who stand against Isis.  This is evil.  America is ignoring it.  Where is the leaders that stood outside singing and showing solidarity and the President that threw the first pitch after this tragic day.  We need God.  God can be worshipped many ways.  We need God.

Join me this day in walking through faith, being kind to people on the street and loving your family. 

God Bless America!

Captains of the Ship

     My daughter and son are my world, but I also have my husband.  I have learned from the lesson of a broken marriage that a husband needs to come first sometimes.  This I believe one of the issues of my first marriage that my ex-husband and I did not run the home together as a team.  We were not parenting as one because we were not seeking the needs of each other first.  I know that there are others that believe that children do come first and they do, but one can not parent without the emotional and physical wellness of the parents.  This was something that when I married Barry was top on the list.
     The moment that Barry and myself started to plan for forever the talk of how the home in general ran became topic number one.  This meant how we were going to parent each of our own children, step-parenting and rearing the children as a whole would come into play.  Barry likened this crazy wonderful experience to a ship.  We were the captains and we came first.  I can hear the more "liberal" parents out there, "What about the children?" well if Barry and I are not at our best then the ship (the family) goes down.  Barry and I need to take care of our emotional and physical needs first and this means taking over letting the other parent bow out for the night on occasion.  Yes there are times when William, Abby, Triptyn or Matthew might need someone to say, "We are doing what this kid wants to do."  There are times we need to let the children go making it possible for our needs to be met.
     The best example I can give you is the other night when Abby had her Girl Scout bridging.  She wanted to go, but we felt that we needed to be at small group at church.  The church that we call home is changing and we felt that we needed to be at small group making sure we felt comfortable before our family made the change with the church.  I had to allow myself the freedom to know that it is ok for her father to take her to an event by himself.  Also, I do not have to be there for absolutely everything.  She is a big girl and can handle it.  I chose what Barry needed me to do.  We went to small group finding out that the new change is worth the risk.  Things might turn out ok in the end.  I was scared that Abby would be hurt or upset by me not going to the ceremony.  The fact is that she was perfectly fine and had fun with her dad and brother.  As parents we at times have to put each other first and let the kids do what they need to do to fly on their own.  This is also good for single moms who need to find that much needed break.  Parents are the captains of their ship and they will bring their ship over the highest wave reaching calmer waters. 

"The Final Frontier"

     This is the weekend that three years ago I married Barry.  Our marriage is not only about us, but about blending a family.  No, it hasn't always been easy, yet we make this beautiful family work in which we sometimes as parents are amazed at how blessed we have become.  Our wedding was beautiful, fun and sacred. 
     My dress was gorgeous and when I twirled I felt just like a princess.  We dreamed of having a wedding that was themed with our favorite movie and television show.  What theme did we pick?  Star Trek duh!  The movies were a favorite of both myself and Barry when we were kids and the idea of a shout out was perfect.  Barry, my mom and the boys had Star Trek symbol on their outfits.  I had a Star Trek symbol and we could walk down the aisle without music.  Of course, the theme song to "Star Trek: Generation" became the order of day.  The sacred consisted of spiritual music, the unity candle and my favorite from Barry, myself and the children all pouring sand into a glass vase symbolizing the blending not only of two people but of a family.  We are not worry free, yet our struggles open the door of overwhelming blessing.  God opens doors and my family's arms are wide open to receive the love that is coming through each day.  Love is all we need. 

Faith, Love and Star Trek

     It has been quit the journey these past few years.  My family life has changed leaps and bounds.  In many ways the changes were sad, yet many doors have opened for me and my family.  Where do I begin?  It's wise to start in Dec. 2010.  It was the start of my freedom and a course to my now blessed life. 

     My ex-husband, Bill, came home from work one evening.  I didn't have dinner on the table and struggling to get the kids to start bedtime routine.  Also, I was trying to straighten up the house in order to not hear his critical attitude towards me for the hundredth time.  I remember it so well and can see it in my head.  It was the moment that I have been avoiding.  I told Bill that I was sick and asked if he could give the kids a bath.  His response to me was the pinnacle of our entire marriage.  "They like you better."  In my head, "Are you fucking kidding me? You are their father!"  I am shouting in my head and unable to speak because I knew I would be called stupid and crazy.  Then I go to the kitchen to clean up the after dinner mess.  All I hear is Bill once again complaining about work.  He constantly did this and blamed others for his issues.  I turned around and said, "When will you stop complaining about work?"  Then that was it and I knew what I had done.  It was a nerve that I had tapped.  I continue to do what I need to do.  When I sat down practically in tears and sicker than a dog Bill informed me that he thought it was best that we should separate.  The words didn't hit me for awhile because it hit my heart before my head realized what he was saying.  I can't remember what happened.  I know we still slept in the same bed and the kids went to bed that night as normal.  What happened the next day was a blur because I know I told my mom.  I find that we as women will tell our moms and girlfriends before the world.  I told my mom in fear because I felt that I had failed.  This set the tone for his attitude towards me the next three years to the present day.  It was my hope that we were able to get along but I don't pay attention to those who find me a second class citizen.  I have racked my brain as to why he was controlling and emotionally abusive.  It is unfortunate that he is unable to parent with me.  He parents the way he thinks that he should parent and that I should follow suit.  I will continue to do my best.  I know I am doing well when I have children that respect me and others and do well in school.  My ex continues to try to tell me who he thinks I should be as a mother.  What do I have to say to that?  "Your ship has sailed maybe you should go catch it." 

      The first date is a creature all it's own.  Now I had a lot of first dates during the time after the divorce.  I have two favorite first date stories.  The first one is just creepy and then there is the one where I was called short.  I had joined a online dating site.  There were some real winners.  I am not talking #WINNING!  I accepted a meeting with this guy we will call Bob.  Bob had his own business and that was a start.  He had a job.  In his emails on the site he seemed like he was decent guy.  I go to Starbucks.  It's where I meet people in person for the first time.  This isn't exactly true.  The first date where I was called short was different. Anyway, we will get back to that soon.  Bob paid for my mocha and we talked and share stories.  Then I noticed that he didn't have half of his fingers.  I can put up with a lot and consider myself a tolerant person.  I forget the story that he told me because I had made a decision that I didn't want to see him again.  Oh!  He talked funny too.  It was just weird.  I said I had to go and stepped outside.  He continues to talk and he has a white work van.  Did I mention the creep factor?  We are standing outside and it's chilly.  He asked if I was cold and before I could answer he pointed to his van, "Let's go sit in my van and warm up."  My friends who know me know that I can at times bring a situation to a whole new level and think the worst.  My answer was "NO!!!!!"  I did not speak to him again.  Can you imagine what was truly going on in his van?

      Do you ever have the moment where you wish you could just turn around, but there's a free meal involved?  This is the date I will never forget.  I believe blessed by God who I think has this sense of humor that we as humans don't find very funny.  HAHA!!!  I meet Barry.  We love politics, movies and Star Trek.  He introduced me to "Nine Inch Nails" and he has  maybe a forced appreciation of Broadway musicals.  Did I say forced?   Poor guy.  We talked on the phone and I thought that this will be fun.  He actually talks.  We meet at El Sol's Mexican restaurant.  He walks in and I stand up thinking in my head, "He's cute."  He pats me on my head and says, "You're short."  I thought well it's a free meal and he later tells me that he really thought that he blew it and knew that he would not hear from me again.  In this journey I remember deciding that never again will I try to change for a person that I consider a friend and lover.  I let every thing go.  I believe that I did a lot a first date blunders.  I was completely honest.  We talked about our exes, money and what we will and will not do.  I did this because I was for sure we weren't going to see each other again.   Guess what?  It was the best wedding ever on September 7 2013, I married my best friend.  The wedding was exactly what we wanted with Star Trek insignias and music.   This man loves me with everything that comes with me.  He accepts the entire package.  I will love him forever.   

     We have blended our families rather well.  The kids are amazing with one another and we truly are a family.  I have often thought what makes things seem so easy.  Barry has started a new job and I have quit my job.   I am going back to school.  Things are tight but what makes this so easy is that we are not putting on blame and we approach all things with love.  It is faith, love and Star Trek.  LOL!!!    Ladies do not accept below average know that you are loved by God.  The person that you will marry should love you as God loves you.  You should do the same.  I feel this everyday.  I am blessed.

Blessings to you,

Natalie :)

My blended blessing

My childhood was filled with the fantasy that I would meet Mr. Right, get married, have children and live happily ever after.  In my extremely high expectations I married the man that said all the right things and sweet talked me down the aisle.  In my prayers I was blind to what God was showing me.  Thinking back with the blinders off I can now see the through the charm and the lack lustered effort that was being put forth within my marriage.  I am not blaming everything on my ex-husband because there are things that I could have done and situations that I did not like that I allowed to happen.  I am being honest when I say I am not easy to live with.   We are not going to go through all that because that is the past.  The Bible has a wonderful way of keeping the past in the past because we are a new creation.  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).  The past is certainly in the past and I have a new life that is full of joy.

            I believe it was 2012, (I will confirm with Barry) that Barry and I met.  We met online, talked on the phone and later met for dinner.  I have another blog about the whole experience.  In order to stay on track I will keep this short.  Barry: “Wow your short. (Pats me on the head) Me: “Free meal.” (all in my head of course)  The first date was full of conversation that one should not have on the first date.  We talked about politics, religion, kids and ex-spouses.  We were awkward on the first date, but I knew that I was about to embark on something special.  As we became close as a couple it was clear that kids would soon met and be involved and our family would begin.  How did we blend this family?  The process was slow and we wanted it that way because we knew that we were on a path to marriage. 

            My first meeting his sons was with Matthew and I was blessed enough to join his birthday celebration.  I asked Barry to join myself, William and Abigail at skating party and then dinner at McDonalds.  Then we brought all four of the kids together and they were meant to be brothers and sister.  We had continued conversation about who Barry is in my eyes and what the desired outcome of the relationship we were expected.  When Barry asked me to marry him and I said yes the children were always involved in the planning as well.  They were ever part of the wedding ceremony.  Abby was my flower girl, William walked me down the aisle along with my dad; Triptyn was the ring bearer and Matthew Barry’s best man.  The wedding was perfect and as we found out the blessing became apparent in all the hard work we did to make everything work as a family.

            In the beginning Barry and I not only had to work on a marriage that is obviously always a work in progress, but we also needed to bring two families into one family.  The experience of Barry’s childhood being part of a blended family that didn’t work out well was used as an example.  We had to decide the rules, boundaries and the idea of who we were as a family. 

Rules

1.      Honor the Parental Units

2.      Respect others property and personal space

3.      No Attitude

4.      Life’s not fair. 

5.      Do your best

6.      Think about others

7.      We are a family that has chosen to be a family

8.      Help everyone to keep the space we live in clean

9.      We are not your slaves.

10.  God is in control. (Very Important)

The boundaries basically thought of as Barry and I thought it important that our bedroom was our sacred space.  The kids were allowed in when we decide to let them in when they knocked and asked permission.  This was something that as a single mom I didn’t give myself permission to allow myself to have a sacred space.  Who are we as a family?  The idea of who we were as a family came from the idea that Barry learned what needed to happen of who we thought the other’s kids were to us.  He took the lead and said that having a blended family only works if both of think of the other’s children as our own.  His kids are my kids and my kids are his kids and we are a family.  There have been trials and tribulation because when kids argue and they will it’s hard not to come to the defense of our own children.  This has slowly gotten better.  Things smooth out because of honesty.  Our faith in God and being honest with one another of how we feel, even though it may hurt is the only way to keep this family on the move towards.  It is with our faith that holds us together.  If you are a reader that is in a blended family or starting the journey remember three things that will help you through.  The blended blessing will come to maturity with God, Love and Wine.  Lots of Wine!