My childhood was filled with the fantasy that I would meet Mr. Right, get married, have children and live happily ever after. In my extremely high expectations I married the man that said all the right things and sweet talked me down the aisle. In my prayers I was blind to what God was showing me. Thinking back with the blinders off I can now see the through the charm and the lack lustered effort that was being put forth within my marriage. I am not blaming everything on my ex-husband because there are things that I could have done and situations that I did not like that I allowed to happen. I am being honest when I say I am not easy to live with. We are not going to go through all that because that is the past. The Bible has a wonderful way of keeping the past in the past because we are a new creation. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). The past is certainly in the past and I have a new life that is full of joy.
I believe it was 2012, (I will confirm with Barry) that Barry and I met. We met online, talked on the phone and later met for dinner. I have another blog about the whole experience. In order to stay on track I will keep this short. Barry: “Wow your short. (Pats me on the head) Me: “Free meal.” (all in my head of course) The first date was full of conversation that one should not have on the first date. We talked about politics, religion, kids and ex-spouses. We were awkward on the first date, but I knew that I was about to embark on something special. As we became close as a couple it was clear that kids would soon met and be involved and our family would begin. How did we blend this family? The process was slow and we wanted it that way because we knew that we were on a path to marriage.
My first meeting his sons was with Matthew and I was blessed enough to join his birthday celebration. I asked Barry to join myself, William and Abigail at skating party and then dinner at McDonalds. Then we brought all four of the kids together and they were meant to be brothers and sister. We had continued conversation about who Barry is in my eyes and what the desired outcome of the relationship we were expected. When Barry asked me to marry him and I said yes the children were always involved in the planning as well. They were ever part of the wedding ceremony. Abby was my flower girl, William walked me down the aisle along with my dad; Triptyn was the ring bearer and Matthew Barry’s best man. The wedding was perfect and as we found out the blessing became apparent in all the hard work we did to make everything work as a family.
In the beginning Barry and I not only had to work on a marriage that is obviously always a work in progress, but we also needed to bring two families into one family. The experience of Barry’s childhood being part of a blended family that didn’t work out well was used as an example. We had to decide the rules, boundaries and the idea of who we were as a family.
Rules
1. Honor the Parental Units
2. Respect others property and personal space
3. No Attitude
4. Life’s not fair.
5. Do your best
6. Think about others
7. We are a family that has chosen to be a family
8. Help everyone to keep the space we live in clean
9. We are not your slaves.
10. God is in control. (Very Important)
The boundaries basically thought of as Barry and I thought it important that our bedroom was our sacred space. The kids were allowed in when we decide to let them in when they knocked and asked permission. This was something that as a single mom I didn’t give myself permission to allow myself to have a sacred space. Who are we as a family? The idea of who we were as a family came from the idea that Barry learned what needed to happen of who we thought the other’s kids were to us. He took the lead and said that having a blended family only works if both of think of the other’s children as our own. His kids are my kids and my kids are his kids and we are a family. There have been trials and tribulation because when kids argue and they will it’s hard not to come to the defense of our own children. This has slowly gotten better. Things smooth out because of honesty. Our faith in God and being honest with one another of how we feel, even though it may hurt is the only way to keep this family on the move towards. It is with our faith that holds us together. If you are a reader that is in a blended family or starting the journey remember three things that will help you through. The blended blessing will come to maturity with God, Love and Wine. Lots of Wine!
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